Don’t date a….., she said to me

The time was a few minutes to 11 pm. This was something I had never done before. A few minutes earlier I called my guy, hoping he would have a strong enough argument against my current activity but well, When people talk and conji is catching u… Everything is heard through that filter.

I knew I could not do this sober, so I took a shot before I left the house and when I got there, I circled the area about four times before deciding to enter. I asked myself, “what if someone from church sees you?”, “what would your mother say if she sees you like this?” and the questions go on…. I eventually made up my mind… I was going to do this… I was going to enter…

I got in, and the bouncer said, the entry fee is £10, and you pay that upstairs. I said ok… Went up the stairs, paid and received the stamp… (almost felt like 666, everything in me felt like I was doing wrong). They pointed towards a black door and said, “you go in that way”… I walked in, and it was as though the Holy Spirit left me there… (I reckon the Holy Spirit left at the main entrance… Smh for me)… Walked in and saw the bar,… I guess the fact that I realised that it was a bar meant I was still too sober for this endeavour, so I strolled over and ordered Jack Daniels on the rocks.

That is when it happens, she walks up to me,… practically unclad [by my Nigerian standards though] and whispers these exact words,…”You smell delicious”… It was followed by a bunch of sweet nothings, and for the first time, I felt what it was like to be wooed and compared to food… and I liked it x_x. She grabbed my hand and led me downstairs, she said, “This dance is on me”. It wasn’t long before,… it all came off, and I sat there in awe for the 3 mins for which it lasted,… I had been shown the tip of the iceberg, and now I was ready to dive in. I paid for the next 3 mins; got her a drink. I hoped to drop my elevator pitch and get her number, and after my whole rant, she says, “Don’t date a …., we are too financially independent”.

Signing out,



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